Tuesday 22 July 2014

We Call This Rubbish Art

                 It is in order to begin this piece with a moment of silence............................................... Thank you. As you drive along Haile Selassie Avenue which is lined with trees on either side creating a serene shaded environment, it is easy to notice some significant buildings. The towering Intercontinental Hotel or the heavily shielded Japan Embassy on the sides. Then somewhere along this same road is the Examination Council of Zambia (ECZ), hidden but it is there. People build beautiful structures, magnificent buildings to get noticed, ECZ went ahead and did the extraordinary. They went ahead and put two of the ugliest, horrendous, pitiful excuse of art sculptures to grace this land. This is the moment we all wail in unison.
Mubita Nawa's Twit
 
            The attention was initially drawn to these things when motivational speaker Mubita Nawa twitted that at 50 years Zambia cannot be having such shameful pieces of structures. Before I saw the picture, I thought that he was just exaggerating and it could definitely not be that bad. I was right to some extent, it wasn't bad it was preposterous. These disproportionate structures had trunk legs, blotted fingers, bend heads, and crooked broad noses. The  male and female are seen to be wearing graduation gowns and holding certificates. These statues resemble miniature versions of what I would make out of clay as a five year old. Are we a country of citizens who accept mediocrity, because now this is getting out of hand. Putting something that is clearly repulsive and expecting people to understand and get on with their lives is unacceptable.
The Statues of Shame
 
            The most perplexing thing is how ECZ allowed those two statues to be erected outside their walls in the first place. ECZ paid money from their budget for them, they should have envisioned what the completed work would look like. If that was it, then I am afraid. Whoever inspected those statues and nodded their heads that what they saw was worthy and acceptable should be questioned. The artist who also created these statues should be embarrassed and needs to introspect on the torture they have done to our eyes. They are amateurish and it would not be a crime if these were a grade 7 school project. Between the artist and the people who inspected the artist work, just how did they convince themselves that such appalling pieces should grace our roads? How? Another wail in unison shall we.
            The general public agrees that the statues should be removed and replaced with something better or nothing at all. Apparently ECZ have come up with a defense which in my opinion is illogical.
            The ECZ spokesperson Ronald Tembo said, "We wish to inform the public that the purpose for putting the statues at the entrance of the ECZ was to enable the general public to easily locate the ECZ as they came through to access various Council services. The statues therefore arose from various complaints we received from those who could not easily locate us in the past. We did not necessarily intend to have beautiful and expensive pieces of art work as we could and still cannot afford the cost of such art works."
            Speechless.
 

He added, “We therefore wish to inform the public that the purpose for putting the statues at the entrance of the ECZ was to enable the general public to easily locate the ECZ as they came through to access various Council services.”
“The statues therefore arose from various complaints we received from those who could not easily locate us in the past. We did not necessarily intend to have beautiful and expensive pieces of art work as we could and still cannot afford the cost of such art works.”ECZ Spokesperson Ronald Tembo said the institution has taken time to study the postings on social media by Mr Nawa and has concluded that the debate on the art pieces was over blown.
“We wish to state that the ECZ is a public institution which has an open door policy. From the outset, we therefore acknowledge receipt of the opinions from Mr Nawa and the general public on the issue,” Mr Tembo said in a statement.
He added, “We therefore wish to inform the public that the purpose for putting the statues at the entrance of the ECZ was to enable the general public to easily locate the ECZ as they came through to access various Council services.”
“The statues therefore arose from various complaints we received from those who could not easily locate us in the past. We did not necessarily intend to have beautiful and expensive pieces of art work as we could and still cannot afford the cost of such art work
 

 
 

Wednesday 16 July 2014

Introducing the Ministry of Moral Behaviour

Zambia was not like this in 1964, during that time the youth were well behaved and morally upright. The youth of this generation have lost their culture, if they are not having orgies in classrooms, sex tapes are being made, and the latest revelation is that young girls are the ones seducing men. What on earth are we going to do with this generation? I as Frustrated Brotha have come up with a solution to this country's dilemma of a degenerating youth. It is about time we had a Ministry of Moral Behaviour with a full cabinet minister at the helm.

 

 
There is a lot that needs to be done to curb the immorality that is flaunting itself on the streets of our country. It is inconceivable that such abominations are happening in our very own backyards. Clearly recent media reports reveal more diabolical acts than the previous one. The Ministry of Moral Behaviour will be well positioned to address these issues. It will be responsible for creating policies that ensure the utmost behaviour of this country's citizens is upheld. Citizens who are in the habit of tainting the moral fibre of this country beware.


Top on the table of the ministry's agenda should be tabling the issue of a how Europe and America is contaminating Zambia. This issue needs to be discussed in cabinet, because there are clear indications globalisation is to blame for the erosion of our culture. While that is being discussed the ministry will also be busy preparing another policy to ensure that every single television programme is censored before it is shown, text messages are edited before being sent to the receiver and just block a whole lot unnecessary websites. This is because our youth are being intoxicated by what they are seeing in the movies and series then re-enacting them in real life. If censoring will not wield the youth in the right direction then maybe the ministry will need to consider dishing out stiffer punishments for individuals who do not want to stick in line. The punishments should act as a definite deterrent to anyone who is flirting with the idea immorality.


We must not forget that all this immorality that currently exists is UnZambian and it is not our culture. The Ministry of Moral Behaviour will ensure that this nation's morals are upheld and that requires monitoring every little thing every citizen does. The mission will be to completely eradicate immoral behaviour because the ministry will not cast the first stone but the first brick in order to save our culture.

Tuesday 1 July 2014

Football Still in Stone Age

I think I need a word with Sepp Blatter. Why on earth would he go staging the World Cup at the very same time as my beloved Wimbledon? Isn't he aware that these are life changing decisions that I have to make between watching a world cup match and tennis a match. It is difficult for the brotha to choose. When it comes down to biting the bullet, however, I find myself pressing the button on the remote for the tennis. This is probably something that none tennis fans may ever fully understand. One of the reasons why I decide to watch tennis is that football somehow deliberately decides to stay in the Stone Age.


Being a fan of any sport is a tough job, there is so much emotional investment that goes in. It is very hard to make the relationship work. These are the original marriage vows, through thick and thin, through victory or loss, our relationship is unbreakable. People do not shed tears and have heart attacks for nothing. To this day I admit that one of the happiest days of my life was when Zambia lifted the Africa Cup of Nations in 2012. There are just not enough adjectives and superlatives to explain the joy that I felt. Then as a tennis fan after witnessing Rafael Nadal win Roger Federer  Wimbledon after  losing twice to the same man two years in role, in what many including I believe was the best tennis match ever played was just sublime. I am a football and tennis fan, but I am definitely a much bigger tennis fan. I mean being a football fan is hard and painful, at its current state I don't think I can invest any more than I am in this relationship. This is merely because football still refuses to incorporate technology.

Football Referee

Almost every other sport has progressed on well with technology football have only flirted with it this year by using goal line technology. Therefore, you have very painful losses as a result of whistle happy referees, unfair penalties awarded (anyone recall the Ivory Coast versus Greece game), cruel red cards, offside goals and the list is countless. The difference between a nation having the pride of reaching a World Cup quarter final hangs in the hands of fallible human being. In tennis when a player loses you know that they lost fair and square not because some umpire made one lousy call. This happens because tennis has the revolutionary technology called Hawk Eye. Therefore, a player has a choice to challenge calls to determine whether the ball was in or out. They are given a maximum of three challenges per set. Every victory or loss was on the player's racket and as a fan it is much easier to accept and less painful. Rugby, cricket, golf, hockey and tennis have review systems so what is so special about football.

Hawk Eye System

People say it will slow the game down. Oh really, how about when a player gets injured, substitutions, when the keeper is on a time wasting mission isn't that slowing down the game already. You do not permit reviews at every incidence, all that should be allowed is each coach is entitled to three reviews per game. So they will know that they need to use those reviews wisely. This is 2014, having a review system is the most fair way to go. There is a lot of money, pride, careers and our very fragile hearts at stake here. Therefore, it is time that football joins the programme and introduces the review system into the game.


While the football world is mulling over the shock departures of Spain and Italy, we in tennis are speechless over the exits of Serena and Nadal. When the football world speaks of the penalties, us in tennis are biting our nails over the tie-breaks. And of course, we hold our breathes for the women's and men's finals this weekend, as the gladiators battle it out on the grass of Wimbledon. The Hawk Eye system has not made the game any less interesting in fact it adds a new dimension to the thrill. It is time we drag the football world out of the Stone Age. Until football joins the party I will be having some strawberry and cream (tennis fans know what I mean) as I behold the gladiators who take centre stage on the grass of Wimbledon.