Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Juliet's Blackophobia and The Post

Dear Juliet,

I want to give you a hug at this moment, I pity you. At 21 years old you still bear the naivety of a 5 year-old. After I have given you a hug, I want to shake you so hard that you wake up from the slumber that you seem to be in. Most girl's childhood dreams are to be princesses, doctors, lawyers, nurses, and models but there is you. Your childhood dream has been to marry a white man because you think that us black men are violent and do not treat our spouses properly. I want to give you another hug.
The Post Newspaper Friday 12 September 2014 Front Page
You claim that you are a virgin and have never had a boyfriend, I am a bit confused at how then you came to the conclusion that black men are violent and do not treat their spouses right. I assume that you draw your conclusion from what you have read in the newspapers or have seen happen to your neighbour. In the same vein, for you think that a white man will treat you better may stem from something you have seen. It is immature to stereotype an entire race just because of one unfortunate incidence that you might have know.

The Blackophobia that you have needs to be treated. Touch. You live in a country where the majority of the men are black, therefore you would expect that most of the abuse stories you read or hear will involve black men. Do not be fooled issues of violence or spousal mistreatment are not a race issue. Abuse related cases are found in all races. Instead of you seeing us as abusers, it is time you looked at what led to your blackophobia. There is a deep rooted problem that you need to overcome and using us your brothers as you call us as an excuse will not solve your troubles.

On the other had I think that you are confused too. How can the same person who claims that a white man  has strong and unconditional love for their spouses and respect for their wives be then afraid to leave the country with them. If you will be safe in their hands shouldn't you then be safe wherever you will be? The same trouble you took in advertising in The Post newspaper that you were looking for a white man is the same way you should advertise that you are seeking help. This is not an issue about the colour of the man's skin, these are psychological problems.

 I am also further intrigued at how The Post newspaper could dedicate an entire front page of their daily newspaper to you. No offence to you, but you are not news worthy that you should warrant a front page headline. I think an insert just before the classifieds would have done you justice. There are far more important news worthy stories that The Post newspaper could have placed as a headline rather than you. On the other hand, I am thinking of going to fart by the fly over bridge, do you think I can get on the front page too?

Yours sincerely,
Frustrated Brotha

Thursday, 11 September 2014

Blame IT On the Jersey

Chipolopolo have been sliding down the ladder of the FIFA rankings as 14 August 2014 Zambia was ranked 84th in the world. Soon we might find ourselves outside the top 100. Yes my beloved Chipolopolo is turning into a minnow of African football. It was just two years ago when we were African champions and today we are a shadow of our glory days. Our quest to reclaim the African title began last weekend against Mozambique and with the latest 2-1 defeat to Cape Verde, we might as well be writing our eulogy. Wait how do we lose to Cape Verde? It's Cape Verde no offence, if I have any Cape Verdian readers. There must be an explanation to our terrible performance and I may have an answer. It is the jersey.

Great Jersey- We became Champions

There are other bloggers and writers who will offer you an explanation for the unfathomable downslide but none of the theories will be able to be as concise as mine. Some will tell you that it is the coach's poor tactics, the players that did not show up on the day, incompetent administration, hostile opponents and even juju if you wish. Still all these explanations are unable to give us any tangible linkage to the teams dismal performances, that are becoming ever increasingly shameful.
Ok Jersey- Qualified for AFCON 2013
The correlation of Chipolopolo's embarrassing defeats and lackluster shows can be linked to the jersey. Ever since the jersey went from 'Great' to 'What the Hell is That?' the performances have also changed from 'Champions' to 'Bottom of the Qualifying Group' as at today. Moment of silence please. It must be something do with the Chipolopolo jersey trust me.

The Chipolopolo jersey has been changed twice from the winning jersey and with each change it has become uglier. It is like Nike are giving an intern some wax crayons to design the Chipolopolo jersey. I am not fashion savy but I know ugly when I see it a mile away. The Africa Cup winning jersey could be worn with pride and the current one, oh my goodness. The current jersey even if the Football Association of Zambia gave it to me for free, I would turn it into my pajama. There is no way I would be walking the streets with that terrible jersey. I think the Chipolopolo boys feel the same. They might just not have the courage to speak out that the jersey is affecting their play
What the Hell? Jersey- Might not qualify for AFCON 2015
The solution is simple, give the boys a better looking jersey and the wins will begin to flow. For now we should just beg Nike not to give the wax crayon to a pre-schooler lest the results we shall see will take some of us to an early grave.

PS: In case you are feeling nostalgic about our glory days make sure you look out for the movie 'e18hteam'. https://www.facebook.com/e18hteam/timeline