Ready 4 Marriage Amplified Misses the Mark

There are things in my blogging life that I have to tolerate. One of which is sitting through some shows that typically in my old life I would not bother to give an ounce of my sacred time. However, knowing that I do have readers who would love to know about some of these matters, I am forced to discuss them from an experience point of view. The particular programme in point is Muvi TV's Ready 4 Marriage. The show, this time around has lost its shine and the guys are to blame for it.

                                                   

The brain child of the late Augustine Lungu, originally allowed women to compete against each other for a fully sponsored wedding to the ultimate winner and it has developed a very loyal following.  It must be a highly rated show for Muvi TV and this has prompted the need to modify it, in order to keep it relevant. This year they decided to call it Ready 4 Marriage Amplified which was another attempt to shake things up. Instead of just the ladies competing alone their fiancés have also been allowed to tag along. Big blunder. The show is boring, just hand me sleeping pill.

This time around last year when the former sex workers were on the show there was already enough drama happening to fill an entire season of Isidingo. Former lovers wanting their exes back, accusations of an already married contestant, revelations of HIV statuses, drama just kept on coming. It is all these, that make up a good show. However, so far on this current season we have been denied any of the juicy indiscretions of the contestants.  Anyway what would I expect from a sweets loving couple to a couple who are just leaving their teens.

The major reason though for such a lacklustre performance is that the ladies are not as free to air their views maybe because they have their would-be husbands next to them. You can always count on some women to have a slip of the tongue, reveal some secret, say something ridiculous or even have a cat fight on national television. Kidding about the last one, but my point is this bunch of contestants are just too boooring and predictable!!! We men do not like to discuss our issues. We barely do that with our friends, why on earth would we do so on national television. The host Master Chimbala's desperate attempts to squeeze out whatever additional information he can, has been met with one word responses or an embarrassed smile. Take for instance when they are asked what challenges they have faced in their relationships. All the responses hide the truth, like "We have communication problems." Duh don't all relationships have these at some point? What we really what to hear is this, "My fiancé was once upon a time a cheating bastard and it took some panel beating to keep him faithful." Or "Can you imagine the pain I felt when I discovered that I am not the father of her daughter." The moon would have to drop before we hear that from these contestants.

I bet if the men were taken out of the equation this might have been a good show.  I have duly performed my duty in informing you on what to expect from this seasons Ready 4 Marriage Amplified. I will no longer be tuning in to watch couples give each other lollipops which warrant them to be called Sweetie for your sake. I might as well go to Arcades and watch couples holding that might be more entertaining. Let me know when a couple split-up, an ex-girlfriend rudely interrupts at the studio or nasty habits begin to be revealed. I wonder how many of my readers who are fans of the show agree with me.

Sorry Clive You Could Be Too Expensive

When I look at my payslip this month and realise how much Pay As You Earn is deducted, I think I am going to shed a tear. Because while I am staying in a cottage some Ministers, Permanent Secretaries and of course the CEO of Zambia Railways Limited (ZRL), Prof. Clive Chirwa are staying at the luxurious Fallsways Villas. Paying according to the dissolved ZRL board wait for it ... KR 72, 000 jaw drop per month or as Prof. Clive Chirwa says it’s KR 38, 000, he was able to negotiate. Olo ni negotiating sure almost 50% drop. I choose to believe the boards figure for now. What was supposed to be an internal affair among the dissolved board which comprises Prof. Oliver Saasa and Mark Chona among other notables, the government and Prof. Clive Chirwa, has opened up a Pandora’s Box.

 

Prof. Clive Chirwa

The dirty laundry of ZRL is being aired in public and we now smell the stink. It is no top secret that ZRL was a collapsed parastatal with hardly any trains to boast of and the rail tracks hardly traceable. A number of people had tried to resuscitate the dying railways but had succumbed to the enormity of the task. Then in what came as a shock in November 2012, Prof. Clive Chirwa was announced as the next candidate to take the reins of the parastatal. A shocker it was indeed. It will either be one of his greatest achievements or one of the biggest dents in his glowing resume. A lot has clouded Clive in the past few days and the tussle between the dissolved board and him is being played out in the media. Why not just enter a boxing ring and settle this once and for all? Maybe and this is a small maybe, Clive is being unfairly judged and some choose to believe this is why?

Black vs White

Many people are saying that because Prof. Clive Chirwa is black that is why so much dust is being raised. Had he been a white man then we would have all shut up and said it is fine. The point in case Herve Renard, a coach who just won a simple Africa Cup for a country that had been craving to be champions for decades. Why on earth does he deserve to be paid KR 500, 000 per month and the muntu Prof. Clive Chirwa should not.

PhD Syndrome

Is this just a case of the Pull Him Down Syndrome? Are we Zambians that jealous of each other that each time someone tries to have a taste of success we want to drag them down? Prof. Clive Chirwa could merely be a victim of the PhD Syndrome and we want him to live in poverty like the rest of us. We are happy if we are at par with each other that way no one can boast to be ahead of the other. And based on this gentleman’s resume he clearly is miles ahead.

Too Bad if You Can’t Bargain

You have to give it to the man; he knows how to strike a good bargain. Next time I am bargaining for a salary I want his lawyers. He put his terms on the table and the government had a choice whether to accept them or not. Lo and behold, they accepted. Perhaps it should not be Clive that we should be lynching but the person that agreed to his terms. About KR 250, 000 per month salary with allowances, six air tickets for his wife to Europe, an annual bonus of KR 2, 600, 000 annual bonus and if he had his way 25% stake in ZRL after five years.  Now which honest soul among you would refuse such an offer?

Become a Professor

Do not blame the man for being highly educated. He must be able to reap the benefits of all his sleepless nights. It includes are the perks he negotiated for and stay in KR 72, 000 per month accommodation. I would like to see what the toilet stool looks like for KR 72, 000 it better be made of gold. If Ministers and Permanent Secretaries can rest their feet on sofas of the plush accommodation, Clive is equally special to do the same. Besides he needs to rest that special brain in arguably the most expensive real estate in this country.

A Bitter Board Maybe?

Could it be that the dissolved board are just bitter that they were not able to eat such a huge pie too? I mean how long has Prof. Chirwa being in that position for, close to four months plus. They cannot claim that they did not know what his package was, why did they have to wait to be dissolved before telling the nation all this. And according to the professor they are vexed because he refused to sign cheques for their sitting allowances, according to the professor there were 28 sittings in a space of three months. If this is true what on earth was the board discussing for 28 sittings, where to spend the next vacation maybe?

Frustrated Brotha’s Verdict

At this moment there are so many versions to this story that is hard to tell who is telling the truth and who is not. The board will tell you one thing and the professor will tell his own version of events. Therefore, it is very difficult to come to a conclusion on this matter. I have taken some time to internalise this and I have come to this. Prof. Clive Chirwa is a good man perhaps with good intentions for ZRL but his biggest Achilles heel was to think that he could live the life he led in the United Kingdom in Zambia. It is almost criminal to expect what someone earns in the UK to be earned in a developing country like Zambia. They are two different standards of living in almost all aspects. Arguably, the most ridiculous thing was the request for 25% stake in ZRL after five years. So based on his thinking he wanted 25% for him and his family while the rest of the 13 million Zambians should share the remainder of 75%, thats absurd. When it comes to the pay package, I think he does deserve it and if he negotiated for it good for him. The person we should be seeking clarification and justification from is the person who signed his contract. They should have had very good reasons to accept such a salary request. As for the accommodation part, hmmmm give me a moment while I wipe away this tear. Prof. Clive Chirwa probably told us one of the most guarded secrets, some Ministers and Permanent Secretaries are staying at Fallsway Villas. Thank You Clive for the info. Now I know where my PAYE goes. In all this mess, all I wish for is that some of the wrongs that are there would be made right. Parastatal information such as appointments, finances need to be open to the public. I also pray that the $120 million Eurobond will not be used to send someone on vacation to the Bahamas.

Oh by the way Prof. Clive in case you read this, I need to borrow your lawyers to negotiate my next pay.

When Coins Became a 'Nuisance'

Is it just me or ever since the coins were reintroduced in this country, they have for lack of a better word become a ‘nuisance’? The last time I recall using coins in Zambia we were proudly brandishing the MMD sign. How times have changed. When the Bank of Zambia announced last year that they were rebasing the kwacha, I welcomed the gesture of dropping the three zeroes from the currency. I also thought that resurrecting the once extinct coins would add that bling to the kwacha. I even began to prepare myself to start saying the word ngwee once again. One thing I was not prepared for is what an inconvenience coins would become.

 

How to carry all these in a pocket?

There was once a time (about three months ago) when I treasured a K500 and K1, 000. My wallet used to be stacked to the bream with those plastic notes no matter how faded they were. It was what I used to pay the conductor for my bus fare, buy groundnuts by the road side or even give it away to someone in need. Now with these coins I can hardly find a K1 or 50 ngwee on me, what’s the sign for ngwee anyway? Each time I put them in my pocket they somehow find themselves slipping out. I have just eventually resorted to tossing them in my laptop bag and scouring for them when I am down to my last dime.

Each time I pay for my groceries at the supermarket I pray that the cashier will not give me those coins but then she goes ahead and pulls out a bunch of them as change. Just great. What am I supposed to do with K5 worth of coins? I am aware that they are the same value and can buy the same things that they could buy before the rebasing but I guess I just do not know how to handle them. Frankly, speaking the K1 and 50 ngwee, has now become what a K100 and K50 was then. I just don’t care much for them. The only currency that can now be found on me begins from K2. This is simply because it can fit in my wallet perfectly. I have tried squeezing coins in there and suddenly sitting down becomes a difficult affair because of the over bulged wallet. Maybe it high time that I bought a piggy bank.

Bank of Zambia had spent a lot of time in helping us understand the rebasing process and the value of the old currency into the new rebased one. However, the handling of the coins is one thing they overlooked. Therefore, was enough time taken to determine how the re-introduction of the coins would be received. If I was given the option of the paper K1 and the coin, I would most definitely go for the paper. I am yet to come across someone who is comfortable with the use of coins, most people I have talked to are simply saying that they just collecting them and stashing them away in a bottle jar. I am slowly considering doing the same. I even have an evil plan for what I will do when I have collected my jar of coins. I will go to the supermarket with a trolley full of groceries and after the cashier tells me my bill; I will gleefully remove my jar of coins to pay. Forgive me in advance, to the cashier I will find on that day.

Are Zambian Gospel Musicians Too Clean for Nightclubs?

Talking about religion and in my context Christianity is a sensitive topic which requires one to tread very carefully. The danger is that you may either rub people the right way or the wrong way. I intend to do neither in this blog. The issue under microscope is Gospel musicians and their interaction with what are known as “Secular” events. We have had Ephraim and Kings 'Malembe Malembe' refusing to have any part to do with the Mosi Awards because it is a brewery. Then recently there has been the talk of Mag44’s performance at Nigerian musician Ice Prince Concert. These two incidents have polarised opinions. This begs the question, what can and cannot a Gospel musician do?

 

Mag44

Ephraim and Kings had their reasons for not being part of the Zambian Music Awards aka Mosi Awards because they did not want to be associated with the brewery. They did not want their names attached to anything alcohol related. Ephraim went even further by asking the public not to vote for him for any of the awards. Other Gospel musicians nonetheless, went ahead and participated in the Mosi Awards and the winners accepted the awards. Both Ephraim and Kings’ decisions need to be respected and it was a personal decision. However, it appears that those Gospel musicians who attended are being crucified by some in the Christian community for what is being perceived as ungodly behaviour and mixing with the devil’s work.

The Mosi Awards also had their own drama with many considering the winner of the Gospel award winner Pompi as not being a Gospel musician. What is the definition of a Gospel musician? Does the name of Jesus or God have to be mentioned in every song, or does the song have to have Hallelujah and Amen for it to be considered Gospel music? Then perhaps it could be zeroing in down to preference. There are those who do not want Hip Hop to be affiliated to Gospel music and some also do not want the Rhumba style of singing either. People who have done this have been accused of compromising with the “world”.

Then recently, the incident that has been causing uproar in the Christian community is the performance of Gospel artist, Mag44 at Ice Prince Concert during the Easter weekend at LIV nightclub. Some people have condemned his performance there as being unchristian and doubting whether he really is a Gospel artist. He has even been rebuked publicly on Facebook by radio presenter and Gospel artist Jimmy Kumwenda.

Is Mag44 performing at the Ice Prince Concert being blown out of proportion? Are people considering whether he was entertaining or ministering? The flack that Mag44 is receiving is that he shared the stage with non-gospel artists and he performed at a nightclub where alcohol and all manner of immorality are perceived to take place. It appears that the Christian community is choosing to be selective on what it deems acceptable and “Christian”. Let us assume that Mag44 was ministering there and he actually led some people to Christ, would he be condemned for doing that? (I did offer Mag44 an opportunity on this blog to offer a statement but at the time of writing this none had been received)

Why would people consider a pastor going to preach to prostitutes on Addis Ababa road okay but a Gospel musician to go and sing in a nightclub wrong? Should we now be asking Gospel musicians to account for their motives and give a full length report each time they perform outside church? Perhaps this entire debate is being too subjective and people are not looking at the bigger picture? Or sorry to say this, maybe it could be a case of simple jealousy. One faction is quite adamant that Mag44 should not have dared to step foot at LIV nightclub and another faction is supporting his move claiming he was witnessing to lost souls. This is a debate that will go on for a long time.

I find it strange how some Christians nowadays choose to pick and select parts of Christianity that they will stand by and what they will not. People say that they will not listen to “secular” music, fair enough. But how are you going to watch a movie where there is adultery, fornication, cohabiting, swearing and actors who are non-Christians in it? In a way by watching such movies aren’t we supporting them? Take for example Facebook, Mark Zuckerberg is a known atheist and yet many Christians are on it. Aren’t we just being hypocrites by deciding to look at others with having bigger logs in their eyes and yet forget our own? All in all should we be worrying about what platform we choose to share the Gospel at or should our real concern be actually sharing the Gospel?

Civil Servants and a Cup of Tea

Whenever, I feel stressed at work and the pressure is coming in from all directions a common response is, “I need to join government.” I have never worked in government before but among my peers there is just a sense that people who work in the civil service have it easy. It is a relaxed environment, no deadlines, you knock off at 5pm on the dot and life is just generally easier on the other side. I already know that this is a misplaced misconception but the fact is it is a general belief especially for some of us who have never worked in government.

Before, I get chewed up by anyone in the civil service allow me to pull out my disclaimer card right away. This piece is merely to get the discussion going and in no way is it intended to belittle anyone. It is through this discussion perhaps I can be enlightened and my misconception corrected. Now that we have gotten that bit out of the way, we can get to the thorn of this matter. Writing about this has always been on my mind but for some reason I never had the courage to actually let it out, mainly because I was afraid of offending some of my friends in the civil service. An article in the Post newspaper is what has prompted me to actually be bold enough to spit it out. The article, “Patients accuse Kanyama clinic staff of priotising tea” really made for sad reading.

 

Its an issue of tea

It was reported that the clinic staff spend two hours having their tea before attending to patients some of whom went there as early as 5 am. It is expected that the staff would begin work at 8 am and attend to the patients but clearly that was not the case. Now, this attitude is not only at Kanyama clinic, try visiting other clinics or other government departments and pretty much you need to make an allowance for a long time queuing up.  Queuing up because of lack of staff is understandable, but queuing because someone is sipping some Quick Brew chatting about Shree is another.

There is a joke that goes around, “Government workers report for work at 9 am, have a tea break at 10:30 am, go for lunch at 12:30, leave the jacket on the chair at 2 pm and return to pick it up at 5pm to knock off.” People wonder what time they spend in the offices. It is purported that they are busy with other ventures after all it is BOMA, they will get paid anyway.  I have had my fair share of frustrations through government offices; it almost feels like we have to work around their time. Some start working late but are always on time to go out for lunch no negotiations, anyone experience that?

During the discussion ‘Is Zambia, Africa’s Emerging Economic Tiger?’ on ZNBC, deputy minister of Finance and National Planning Hon. Miles Sampa bemoaned the work culture in government. He stated that coming from the private sector where when you ask for something in the morning by close of day you have it. In government, it was not the case it comes two months later. He said that if he had his way there would be a lot of firing done but it is not that easy. There is a certain perception that in government things are done at your own pace and when you feel like it. It is like there is no sense of urgency. Yes, they may say a passport will take three weeks to come out, will it? The doors will open at 8 am but how many do? Or as in the case of Kanyama Clinic perhaps the tea is more important than serving the people.

I do not know whether there is something wrong with the work culture or there is a feeling of entitlement that government owes the civil service workers something. Maybe the civil service is just too large to manage and this is causing some of the inefficiencies and under delivery of services. Arguably, the deputy minister during his discussion probably gave us a better perspective in this matter. It is not so easy to fire a civil servant because of all the bureaucracy involved. In the private sector you underperform or do not do your duties you are shown the boot no questions asked, start applying for another job. It appears in the civil service there are too many channels to go through before someone is fired which can take months. Therefore, I think some of them have become too comfortable.

This negative attitude that some people have towards their work is very unfair to the dedicated and committed civil servants who do their duties diligently. I have met many of them who are committed to their work and actually improving the lives of others. Unfortunately, because of clusters who are giving the civil service a bad name the rest of them are dragged down with them. The way I see it a serious shake up of the civil service is needed. Nurses cannot be having tea while someone is surely in pain on the queue, seriously? Being in the civil service should be an honour, it is not a debt that government is paying to anyone or it is volunteer work. And for the sake of the thousands of civil servants that do justice to the civil service we salute. Wouldn’t it have been something if those nurses offered those patients on the queue some tea too?

Oh by the way the private sector does have its flaws too in case someone was thinking of putting that as a comment.

'Lady' Dora and the Case of the Middle Finger

Wow! So much can happen in a week. For the umpteenth time the youth marched and heard promises that we are bound to hear for the next two decades, white smoke appeared from the Vatican (killing any intrigue that was there), and then you had the one and only her ‘highness’ Dora Siliya showing the finger in parliament. Say what you want about this woman but she sure does know how to get Zambia talking. I have to admit this but in the wrong way Dora’s gesture was absolutely sublime.



How do you like that?



After the motion to remove former president Rupiah Banda’s immunity was introduced in parliament, the MMD honourables decided to walk out in protest. On the way out, our M.P from Petauke must have had enough of it and she decided to flip the middle finger, not once but three times. In case the others did not see it the first time. If Dora was seeking attention she definitely got it and a whole lot more. I have no idea what Dora was thinking to do that. I wonder what crossed her mind or maybe she thought that the cameras would not capture the gesture. Unfortunately, for her it was caught on camera and it has hit the headlines of the press and people have something interesting to talk about.

Should we be shocked that Dora did that? Really. I am not; this is the same woman who invited villagers to admire her butt, laid bare her ex-husband’s dirty laundry in public by accusing him of not performing in bed. Add that middle finger gesture to her infamous resume. The hand gesture was classic and a typical example, that there is only so much shove a person can handle. She was merely showing her ‘gansta’ side. I do not remember the last time I was this interested in a politician, they should make a movie about Dora Siliya.

As expected in this nation, some sections of society are finding her uncouth behaviour disgusting and stating that it is demeaning to the integrity of women and other rhetoric that is an attempt for some people to get some press time. C’mon, how is Dora’s gesture really bringing a bad name to women? Who by the way made Dora the pillar of woman integrity in this nation? People should find something better to say than that. I think that as an M.P she should not have made that gesture. The excuse that she is a role model can be used, but please do not go ahead telling us a bunch of rubbish that she is the dent to the female folk.

The question that most people seem not to be asking is that why did Dora raise the middle finger? Since she has decided to remain quiet thus far on this issue, I am allowed the luxury to speculate the reasons. Maybe some other parliamentarian raised a finger at her too and she was only reciprocating? Or she wanted to point at something and the wrong finger did so instead? Perhaps she actually wanted to insult someone but they were too far so the only way to relay the message was to use the finger? Maybe it was a reflex action? Kaya. Whatever the reason, I love a bold woman who doesn’t care what the world thinks at times, though in this situation I will admit it was rather misplaced.

Obviously in this case, the honourable thing for Dora to do is apologise, even though I don’t want her to as an act of defiance. She must admit that she did not mean to raise her finger and promise us that it will never happen again. She must ask for forgiveness from the nation and her fellow parliamentarians even shed a tear for a good show. The question I keep asking myself, do I really want Dora to do the honourable thing? The answer is, NOPE!

Which Dora do you like? Gangsta Dora or Honourable Dora

Lights OUT Zambia

Wake up Monday morning no electricity, “One of those days it happens.”

Wake up Tuesday morning no electricity, “Again someone must have mistaken which hood to loadshed.”

Wake up Wednesday morning no electricity, “Okay, now this is becoming a habit, ZESCO should get their act together.”

Wake up Thursday morning no electricity, “ZESCO what the hell is going on kanshi?”

Wake up Friday morning no electricity, “ZESCO $%^$$#^**&^%$%$$$##%%^*Fyola*!”

                                             

            The erratic electricity supply this past week has definitely contributed to the increased stress levels around. Once again ZESCO know how to get into the spotlight without trying. I stay in a neighbourhood that does not experience too much load shedding. It is one of those once in a while affairs. So you can imagine the great inconvenience when suddenly, I flick on the switch and it does not turn on. I go into another room flick the switch still the bulb refuses to light up, and then I know ZESCO must be up to no good. We probably all know that load shedding has now become a mainstay in this country but last week ZESCO had graduated to higher proportions.

            I was forced to have bread and juice for supper, clothes could not be pressed in the morning and I had a constant fear that my electrical appliances would blow as a result of this. A mbaula and some malasha might soon become my best friends because I foresee this becoming an unwelcome habit for ZESCO. People have been fuming at what they call inconsiderate load shedding wondering what crime they have committed to deserve such treatment.

            “Dear ZESCO, how you do not care that you send me to work with unpressed clothing is amazing. I could swear you do it on purpose,” Kapembwa lamented.

There are many others who do not have kind words for ZESCO after their food went bad in the fridge, they missed the football games, parties were forced to use candle light and shops like Woodlands Pick n Pay had to close as a result.  And then someone is dreaming of bringing an electric underground train in Zambia, with which electricity, that’s a joke.

            I now reckon that ZESCO have a default apology statement stashed away somewhere that they pullout when the complaints reach boiling point. We are ever maintaining something or a station has blown up. This time around was no different.

            “ZESCO Limited wishes to inform its esteemed customers that the current increased power outages being experienced around the country has been as a result of failure of the  large generating units at Kafue Gorge Power Station (KGPS) on 21^st February 2013 and Kariba North Bank Power Station (KNBPS) on 25^th February 2013....” a press statement said. Yeah, yeah, yeah, heard this story before.

            The mere fact that ZESCO almost has monopoly of the supply in this country, we are simply forced to suck it up and tolerate whatever, they dish out to us. It is not like we can switch suppliers we do not have that luxury. We just accept it, live with it and complain about it to whatever and whoever is interested in hearing. I can only imagine people who live outside the cities, what kind of electricity supply they get? If in the capital city where the rich, ambassadors, politicians, diplomats are subjected to the kind of supply that ZESCO provides, what influence can a person in a hut somewhere in Shangombo have.

                The more bizarre thing is that clearly ZESCO should have seen this coming. They should have been investing in hydro power stations or other alternatives like solar well in advance. The more puzzling thing is that Zambia has over 30% of the water bodies in Southern Africa, so water for hydro power is not a problem. So who should we begin pointing fingers at? I do not need a crystal ball, to know that in the next 10 years we will need more electricity supply in Lusaka, Kitwe, Solwezi and perhaps all the other towns, so we can start now.

            But hey I am no engineer, so I do not know much about the intricacies that go with supplying electricity to an entire nation. One thing that I do know for certain is that there are thousands of disgruntled people who do not hold ZESCO in high esteem. In other news, place your orders now for generators and solar panels, you will be needing them more in your households very soon because we all know ZESCO will disappoint us again.