Zambia's 'BEEF' with Zambeef

Oh here we go again; Zambian companies just refuse to stay clear of scandal. After the Zambeef revelations of last week where we found out that some of the imported products contained embalming corpse chemicals, the company had a lot of explaining to do. This whole saga almost feels like hearing your girlfriend confess that she has been cheating on you with the neighbour only after you caught them in bed.  Yes Zambeef have a lot of explanation to do to Zambia and I am waiting.

 

At the moment I refuse to be thrown into drawing early conclusions as some people have done. If there is anything that I have come to understand especially about the urban Zambian is that we are so hungry for scandals. We love scandals and we seem to enjoy squeezing out every juicy bit that there is of any rumour that is thrown our way. We devour everything that the media websites throw at us and we do not bother to critically analyse the information before us. It was not long ago that we were almost lynching Clive Chirwa only for the poor man to be found with no case or the Zambia Sugar issue. I bet Zambia Sugar is breathing a sigh of relief the attention has been removed from them for now.

So far from what I have gathered, the embalming chemical used is called Aromatic Aldehydes. It has a number of functions in pharmaceutical and plastics industries, for flavouring and as an ingredient in some dyes. Another use is that for embalming corpses, and this is where Zambeef are being taken to task. Zambeef are believed to be using the aromatic aldehydes on their import products; these by the way are hooves and offals popularly known as vimbombo and chiff. This meat is apparently thrown away in Europe and America, hence, Zambeef are able to get these products nearly free. Reports are that in order for this meat to be kept fresh the embalming chemical is used. Oh how I love my occasional vimbombo, what’s a brotha supposed to do now. Are goat hooves edible? The argument may also be that if these products are rejected what assurance is there that the highest hygiene is taken when preparing them for import.

Zambeef have blamed this whole affair on a disgruntled employee who ratted them out, as well as the percentage of the imported meat is small to be too concerned about. Is the small percentage supposed to be comforting? The underlying thing here is that there is something in the imported meat that we were not made aware of as consumers. Frankly, that is where I feel the betrayal as a Zambeef faithful is coming from. If I was made aware that aromatic aldehydes were added to the liver that I bought or the vimbombo that I gluttonously devoured, I might have just reconsidered my purchase. The mere fact that the packaging does not indicate this is a flaw on the part of Zambeef. As to the side effects on the chemical used, the fact that it may cause cancer is not conclusive enough evidence for me. I need someone to show me some research done and not just assumptions. Cancer can be caused in many ways; the very air we breathe can give us cancer. The health authorities need to provide more concrete evidence on the ultimate outcome of aromatic aldehydes. This should not be about scaring people from buying Zambeef products

For now, Zambeef have a tough time convincing the bunch of protestors on Facebook, Twitter and the Letters to the Editor in the papers. I wonder why we never carry placards and go scream in front of Zambeef stores. The only time people are passionate protestors is when it comes to salary increments, it’s a shame. Until the health authorities come back with conclusive results of their tests, I will not be boycotting Zambeef products entirely. I will just be taking a critical look at the next vimbombo that I devour. I would propose Zambeef start labeling their products either as imported or local. This is a good time to buy Zambeef shares by the way.

 

Is God a Chipolopolo Fan?

A few days after the Chipolopolo draw, I have to think of happy thoughts just to avoid shedding a tear. The equaliser from Sudan sucked the joy that had hovered over the nation. Before I enter into my second depression let me leave this subject for now. The draw left me wondering what happened to the prayers that were said the Friday night before the game. Maybe our prayers were just not strong enough or have we cared to think that perhaps God does not really care which team wins or loses at the end of the day.

                                                

Chipolopolo Fan

This nation has developed a tendency to Christianise almost everything that it does, from Big Brother to subsidies, the rains to hitting the clubs. It should therefore, be no surprise that football has been dragged into this too. I had the opportunity to tune to ZNBC on Friday night and caught the ending of the prayers that took place at Bethel City Church in Ndola. When I saw the Chipolopolo team singing praise songs I thought it was nice of them to recognise God in their lives. I even enjoyed the song they sang and the entertaining dance moves from Fwayo Tembo. Then the honorable Minister of Sport and Youth Chishimba Kambwili took to the podium to give his speech followed by the pastors. From the speeches if you did not know that Zambia was playing Sudan, you would be excused for thinking that we were playing against the devil and his demons the next day.

There were just too many statements along the lines of, “Nothing will stand against us,” and “If God is for us who can be against”, so we had turned Sudan into an enemy who was hindering us from receiving our ‘God-given’ blessing of qualifying for the World Cup. I reckon there was enough binding and losing in that church, oh I love my Christian brothers and sisters. I frankly find such prayers totally unnecessary. What would have stopped Sudan from saying the very same prayers and including, “God give us justice for the three points we lost.” I do not think that God was rooting for either Sudan or Zambia; I think these are way too petty things to worry about. 24 grown men kicking a ball is hardly anything that should require heaven and hell to be shaken over.

Now that we know the outcome of the weekend results what should we be saying? Our prayers on Friday were not powerful enough? Should we have bound the devil tighter? Or was it God’s will that we drew and there was nothing we could have done? Perhaps we should try a national fast next time. This is what I think. We were just not good enough, period. We huffed and puffed on that pitch and not even the passion filled fans in that stadium could roar the boys to victory. There was no spiritual involvement in that defeat and Satan’s demons did not lay booby traps on the pitch, yes that draw felt like a defeat to me.

I am not disputing the power of prayer in the player’s lives and the role it has played in this nation, what I am against is where we make the other teams villains and we turn God into a football fan. The same God we pray to is probably the same God that the people in Ghana, Lesotho and Sudan pray to. And if we are all God’s children why should Zambia be favoured over the rest. So next time Chipolopolo holds another prayer meeting to banish the devil’s weapons against the team do not bother calling me because I will be busy watching Game of Thrones.

I seek to be enlightened, what’s your view?

Robbed In Front of Police Post

 “When I grow up I want to be a policeman,” that was me some 15 years ago, I still wonder why my mother didn’t smack me in the face for saying that. After watching the action packed TV show Sirens, we all wanted to be police officers. We wanted to carry pistols on our waists, zoom the streets of Lusaka chasing criminals while screaming the magic words “Freeze” and “Anything you say can and may be used against you in the courts of law.” Oh those were the days when we thought being a police officer was a glamourous life, today we know better it isn’t. And recently it has also become embarrassing too.

I am still trying to imagine the scenes of last week in my head, how I wish I was by the Manda Hill Bridge with my box of popcorn while the scenes unfolded. According to media reports, a man who was believed to have withdrawn some big bucks from the bank was being trailed by some robbers. The man drove to the nearby Manda Hill Police Post hoping to find refuge. He packed his car and locked the doors. Then the robbers boldly smashed the rear view mirror with an axe, while another fired shots at the police station and warned the police officers to stay inside. Amazingly the police obeyed and hid for dear life, leaving the poor man to watch as the robbers sped away with his trunk of money.

 

Now I know the police have already received their share of flack from the public both from well known individuals such as Dr. Manda to the less prominent bus conductors, so give me a chance to come to their defence here. Of the people condemning the police officers for hiding behind the safety of the police station walls, what did you want them to do? Come out, act the hero and get shot. Here in Zambia if you are a coward you live longer, heroes are not celebrated. Let us bear in mind that these are underpaid civil servants who have families and children. If they died all that they would have got would have been a headline in the Daily Mail, condolences and we would have moved on looking forward to the Zambia v Lesotho game. Their families would have suffered the loss.

Let’s face reality here, the police service in Zambia is underfunded and struggling for its own piece of the pie with the rest of the nations other pressing needs such as education, health, infrastructure and others. We must not compare our stations to the plush police stations we see in the movies, the Manda Hill Police Post is not even a station. You can be excused for thinking it’s a car park. I doubt if at all they had adequate fire arms, bullet proof vests, enough man power, so how on earth did we expect them to go toe to toe with the bandits.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, people are saying that they are busy concentrating on traffic offences and harassing bus drivers, but c’mon all a bus driver needs is a slap to put him back in check. Where is the life threatening risk in that? They will still be able to go back to their families. It is like going to the hospital and blaming the doctor because the clinic did not have the x-ray machine, laboratory testing equipment and medicines. In order for a doctor to perform his functions well the equipment must be made readily available. If he does not perform his duties because the necessary resources are not there that does not make him incompetent.

I bet by now you have heard the joke that the police have now hired Armcor Security to protect them. Well at least we are definitely sure Armcor have the resources to defend themselves. In as much as this is an embarrassing situation for the police, we can at least be thankful that no life was lost. It has also become a wakeup call because it has put the police service in the spotlight, and it has been desperately crying for a makeover. I do agree that the police service could definitely be better and they do certain things right but they cannot be blamed for their short coming when they lack resources to work effectively.

ZESCO Loadshedding Welcomes Zahara in Style

It was a Friday night that was sold out weeks before the doors to the Zahara concert opened at Government Complex. The tradition of selling tickets at the door is slowly fading away and Zambians are beginning to appreciate the essence of getting tickets well in advance. After all this was a show for the cream of South African music Zahara. Zahara in Zambia is popularly known for the house hit she featured on ‘Lengoma’ by DJ Sbu and the mellower ‘Loliwe’. This is a show that would have been perfect except for a tiny, little inconvenience called ZESCO.

 

Sensational Zahara

This was another organisation by the now well known The Straight UP Company, having brought comedian Trevor Noah last year can now proudly boast of adding Zahara to their resume.  The ticket prices of K160 ordinary and K250 VIP were slightly higher than the average in Zambia, but then a little sacrifice could be made for good music. Oh no I am not talking about bedroom studio junk here. Music that is sang with real instruments if you know what I mean.

Even though the tickets stated that the show would begin at 19 hours but as is the custom in Zambia rarely do shows begin on time and this one was no exception. So I had to pass time on Facebook and Twitter. It took almost another hour before any form of musical activity could be seen on stage when acapella group Chord 14 took to the stage, they were then followed by a rap act, and unfortunately I have no idea who they are, sorry. Other acts to follow were poet Magnifire and afrosoul upcoming singer Wezi. Scarlet who was one of the two main opening acts came on stage accompanied by a dance troop. She sang her usual ‘Munisungile Banja’ and “My Kinda Cute’. She did do two other songs but I have a short memory and cannot remember them. If I am to be honest Scarlet’s voice was drowned by the band and it was hardly an inspiring set. I think she is best suited for more intimate settings with smaller crowds. On the other hand Pompi whose album has been a massive hit was the final musical appetiser. You know that you are doing something right when the audience knows every word of the songs you sing. His band was great, the stage presence too and of course it was so befitting of an opening act that when he left the audience chanted his name.

Gesh who was the host then introduced the lady of night Zahara. She soulfully sang her way onto the stage and immediately got into her stride belting out a song that apparently was not on her current album. She began to deliver her more well-known tunes from her album and her performances were just awe inspiring. Especially when she sang the song ‘Umthwalo’, I felt like getting on my knees, raising my arms in the air and speaking in tongues. Then in the process of singing the first song she learned to play on the guitar, BOOM! LIGHTS OUT! ZESCO just had to gate crash the party and loadshed the complex. I felt like sinking in my seat. It was an embarrassing moment that I wish never happened, and the generator too took ages to kick in. Welcome to Zambia Zahara. Poor Zahara had to resort to greeting some VIP guests just to pass time. After a five minute wait the show continued.

 

Zahara at Government Complex




Government Complex Loadshedded



The audience sang along to every Zahara track, people were singing along to the Xhosa tunes as if they were singing along to a Nyanja track. Special mention must be made to Zahara’s backup singers who not only had the voices to match but their dances where both smooth and entertaining that they were like a side show on their own. ZESCO reeled its ugly hand one more time and the hall went black once again. Groans and murmurs of frustration filled the hall. Zahara too appeared unimpressed this whole game ZESCO was playing was clearly messing with her vibe. Luckily this time the blackout lasted for about three minutes.

Zahara sealed off the night with Loliwe. She proved she had the voice to affirm all the awards she has garnered and her stage presence over flowed from the stage. I spotted a few Zambian musicians in the audience and I hope they were taking notes. It was a show worth every ngwee, despite the unwelcome invitation of the loadshedding that took place. As for ZESCO stop those bad manners when people are having fun, sha!

Is Bufi the Next Donchi Kubeba?

It is not every day that you listen to a song and wonder, “Did he really sing that?” You have to play it a couple of times to convince yourself that yes indeed the singer actually did say that. Then you do not know whether to get excited because you relate to the song or fear for the singer’s blunt statements. In case you are wondering what on earth I am talking about, you clearly haven’t heard ‘Bufi’ by Pilato and Petersen. I would suggest listening to it on Youtube not before you finish reading my blog of course.

 

Pilato & Petersen

Bufi whose literal meaning is, ‘It’s a lie’, began gaining momentum last week barely days after fuel prices were hiked. That’s the way to go, if fuel goes up why not just go make a song about it, the boss doesn’t increase your salary make a song too. Before I go into what the song talks about I just have to take a moment to admire both Pilato and Petersen, it takes a lot of ummmmm toes to actually release a song such as Bufi. Let us not beat about the bush and pretend that we don’t know what the song is talking about. It is clear that the song is highlighting the broken promises that were made during the 2011 presidential campaigns.

The song talks of fuel prices being hiked, jobs that cannot be seen, roads that have not been constructed, lost hope, aging appointments, street children who sleep in trenches and above all, broken promises. The song goes further to claim that all that was said before were simply lies and none of it true. It was all one big fat lie. Pilato actually said it’s a lie 11 times towards the end of the song, try that for emphasis.

They brilliantly used the analogy of a mother and a step-father. It described the relationship between the step-father and mother, step-father and step-children. If I could deduce something from this, the step-father represented the president, the mother- Zambia and step-children- the Zambians. If by using the family it was meant to be satirical, it did not really serve its intended purpose for it is as open as a public toilet. The close analogy was perhaps a deliberate attempt to make the song understandable to the layman and not make it sound like a parable.

I reckon that the opposition leaders must be rubbing their palms in glee, and thanking the heavens for Pilato and Petersen. Bufi could be to the PF the pain that Dandy Krazy’s  ‘Donchi Kubeba’ was to the MMD. I really do not see Bufi being played on any of the national radio stations just like Donchi Kubeba was out of favour. Bufi has already become a hit and at last check it already had 5000+ views on Youtube. It also ticks all the boxes that ‘Donchi Kubeba’ had. Catchy title-check, Social commentary- check, Danceable- check, Popular singers- check, and Truth factor- check. The only thing that is left is for this song to be publicly rubbished and banned by someone in government then it will gather the momentum to skyrocket.

However, there is just one problem that I have with all these social commentary songs such as ‘Donchi Kubeba’ and now ‘Bufi’, in as much as there is some degree of truth in them, they are not entirely accurate. For instance, in Bufi where it claims that the construction of roads and the creation of jobs were a lie doesn’t reflect the whole truth. One can argue that roads have been constructed i.e. Link Zambia 8000 project and there have been recruitment of teachers. The excuse would be, the song would not sound as great with using the words like some and most or majority of promises. Therefore, how should such songs be taken? Well that depends on the person who is hearing them. The issues talked about in the song hit people harder when they are going through what is being sang about and they are the ones who will probably sing this song louder. How far Bufi will go will truly depend on how strongly people are able to relate to song’s message. For now I am also going to the studio to sing about the traffic jams on our roads, look out for my single coming out soon.

What do you think of Bufi?

Effective Midnight Random Declarations

There I was minding my business while desperately looking forward to the public holiday the next day. I had a little bit of money in my pocket to spend the next day and my life was just normal. It was until I heard the rumour that fuel had been increased. My first question, is that rumour on Zambia Watchdog? When the confirmation came through that it was on Watchdog I breathed a sigh of relief. You have to read that site with a pinch of scepticism. Unfortunately, it was not a rumour fuel prices were increasing with effect midnight. How? Why? What the hell! And with that random pronouncement my friends, is how my life just became more expensive.

 

I do understand that prices will eventually rise and they cannot stay the same forever, but even my pockets were traumatised at the “with effect midnight” price increase. Some pronouncements should just not be made anyhow, such statements have far reaching consequences. I had to scrounge for every ngwee that I could find just to fill up my fuel tank. The first time I had ever done that. You can imagine it had to take the drastic rise in the price of fuel to fill up my tank; I was not impressed at all.

The removal of the subsidy maybe right or not, I do not wish to dwell into the details of it. My personal opinion is that we should have been prepared well in advance that an increase was coming and not just making midnight declarations. Maybe people haven’t noticed but I aint Bill Gates and some of us make budgets. It is not like I have tonnes of money piled up somewhere waiting to be spent. It is already hard enough to live in Lusaka with rising expenses and then to add unplanned fuel increases which is unwelcome. The only way such an increase would make sense is if I too could walk into my boss’s office and say, “With effect at midnight you are going to give me a salary increment.”Oh no but I like many other employees we have to be civil, we need to negotiate and consult. Wish someone consulted me about the fuel increase.

This week when I open the Games Stores leaflet, I will be looking at the prices for bicycles just in case, I am caught unaware with another effective midnight declaration. I guess I just have to suck it up and brace myself for the general price increases. In the meantime, fingers crossed nothing random comes up anytime soon. In the event that it does, shall we consult each other please?

Ready 4 Marriage Amplified Misses the Mark

There are things in my blogging life that I have to tolerate. One of which is sitting through some shows that typically in my old life I would not bother to give an ounce of my sacred time. However, knowing that I do have readers who would love to know about some of these matters, I am forced to discuss them from an experience point of view. The particular programme in point is Muvi TV's Ready 4 Marriage. The show, this time around has lost its shine and the guys are to blame for it.

                                                   

The brain child of the late Augustine Lungu, originally allowed women to compete against each other for a fully sponsored wedding to the ultimate winner and it has developed a very loyal following.  It must be a highly rated show for Muvi TV and this has prompted the need to modify it, in order to keep it relevant. This year they decided to call it Ready 4 Marriage Amplified which was another attempt to shake things up. Instead of just the ladies competing alone their fiancés have also been allowed to tag along. Big blunder. The show is boring, just hand me sleeping pill.

This time around last year when the former sex workers were on the show there was already enough drama happening to fill an entire season of Isidingo. Former lovers wanting their exes back, accusations of an already married contestant, revelations of HIV statuses, drama just kept on coming. It is all these, that make up a good show. However, so far on this current season we have been denied any of the juicy indiscretions of the contestants.  Anyway what would I expect from a sweets loving couple to a couple who are just leaving their teens.

The major reason though for such a lacklustre performance is that the ladies are not as free to air their views maybe because they have their would-be husbands next to them. You can always count on some women to have a slip of the tongue, reveal some secret, say something ridiculous or even have a cat fight on national television. Kidding about the last one, but my point is this bunch of contestants are just too boooring and predictable!!! We men do not like to discuss our issues. We barely do that with our friends, why on earth would we do so on national television. The host Master Chimbala's desperate attempts to squeeze out whatever additional information he can, has been met with one word responses or an embarrassed smile. Take for instance when they are asked what challenges they have faced in their relationships. All the responses hide the truth, like "We have communication problems." Duh don't all relationships have these at some point? What we really what to hear is this, "My fiancé was once upon a time a cheating bastard and it took some panel beating to keep him faithful." Or "Can you imagine the pain I felt when I discovered that I am not the father of her daughter." The moon would have to drop before we hear that from these contestants.

I bet if the men were taken out of the equation this might have been a good show.  I have duly performed my duty in informing you on what to expect from this seasons Ready 4 Marriage Amplified. I will no longer be tuning in to watch couples give each other lollipops which warrant them to be called Sweetie for your sake. I might as well go to Arcades and watch couples holding that might be more entertaining. Let me know when a couple split-up, an ex-girlfriend rudely interrupts at the studio or nasty habits begin to be revealed. I wonder how many of my readers who are fans of the show agree with me.