Wednesday, 24 May 2017

Not Another Whatsapp Group Again

The other day I was having a meeting for an event. Then someone suggested we form a Whatsapp group for communication purposes. In my heart, I cringed.

Immediately I broke into binding and loosing whatever spirit had come up with that thought. Banishing it to the deepest of the farthest pit of oblivion and rebuking all other forces (ok I am exaggerating this part).

I am well aware of what happens in Whatsapp groups I already belong to 22 of them and believe me it is a full-time job keeping up to date with all of them. Quite frankly only a handful of them make sense and have real significance to my life. For the rest, I am this guy below.

I pop in and out of the groups just to make sure I have not missed anything. Most times I do not miss anything at all. A group that was created for business is sharing about football, one created for church is sharing food recipes and another simply has no direction it is open season- politics, entertainment, education, job adverts, baby pictures all thrown in for good measure. The day my entire clan decide to form a Whatsapp group that will the death of me. My family is something special they need a reality TV show on an exclusive channel of their own.

The last I checked the worst part about groups is that it does not need my permission to be added into a group. Whether I like it or yes, someone can just drag me in.

Once added to a group, I brace myself for that one individual who will post some recycled picture, joke or video that has been circulating in about all the other 1000 groups around. Then the ambush of nonsense will come flooding in.

 I cannot count the number of times I am tempted to click 'Exit group' but I am not brave enough to do it most times. It feels like openly denying an invitation to belong to a select group of people. And when I see someone leave a group, I am breaming with envy because they are finally free. They have escaped the Mukobeko of Whatsapp groups. In all their genius, I do not know why Whatsapp did not create a discrete way of leaving a group without making a public announcement.  It is long overdue and can someone tell Zuckerburg to get on it.

The next thing I do is mute the bloody thing for one year. If it had an option for 10 years trust me, I would be clicking that option too.

I get to bed in the evening at 23: 00 hours and my phone has no messages. I wake up in the morning only to discover 125 unread messages. I then wonder how people manage to text at the witching hour of 02:30?
What is even more amazing is that others have the time to get into a conversation, argue and make up all while I was still asleep.

For all the ease in communication that Whatsapp comes with, there are piles of Whatsapp groups that I am sure we can all do away with. And I definitely do not need another Whatsapp group whose notifications will just drain my battery. Forgive me if I am not skipping in joyous applause at the creation of a group. I am certain I have left many other horror stories about Whatsapp groups, I sure you can help me out.

DISCLAIMER: I have created Whatsapp groups and I behave like a headmaster in them.

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