Juliet's Blackophobia and The Post

Dear Juliet,

I want to give you a hug at this moment, I pity you. At 21 years old you still bear the naivety of a 5 year-old. After I have given you a hug, I want to shake you so hard that you wake up from the slumber that you seem to be in. Most girl's childhood dreams are to be princesses, doctors, lawyers, nurses, and models but there is you. Your childhood dream has been to marry a white man because you think that us black men are violent and do not treat our spouses properly. I want to give you another hug.

 

The Post Newspaper Friday 12 September 2014 Front Page

You claim that you are a virgin and have never had a boyfriend, I am a bit confused at how then you came to the conclusion that black men are violent and do not treat their spouses right. I assume that you draw your conclusion from what you have read in the newspapers or have seen happen to your neighbour. In the same vein, for you think that a white man will treat you better may stem from something you have seen. It is immature to stereotype an entire race just because of one unfortunate incidence that you might have know.

The Blackophobia that you have needs to be treated. Touch. You live in a country where the majority of the men are black, therefore you would expect that most of the abuse stories you read or hear will involve black men. Do not be fooled issues of violence or spousal mistreatment are not a race issue. Abuse related cases are found in all races. Instead of you seeing us as abusers, it is time you looked at what led to your blackophobia. There is a deep rooted problem that you need to overcome and using us your brothers as you call us as an excuse will not solve your troubles.

On the other had I think that you are confused too. How can the same person who claims that a white man  has strong and unconditional love for their spouses and respect for their wives be then afraid to leave the country with them. If you will be safe in their hands shouldn't you then be safe wherever you will be? The same trouble you took in advertising in The Post newspaper that you were looking for a white man is the same way you should advertise that you are seeking help. This is not an issue about the colour of the man's skin, these are psychological problems.

 I am also further intrigued at how The Post newspaper could dedicate an entire front page of their daily newspaper to you. No offence to you, but you are not news worthy that you should warrant a front page headline. I think an insert just before the classifieds would have done you justice. There are far more important news worthy stories that The Post newspaper could have placed as a headline rather than you. On the other hand, I am thinking of going to fart by the fly over bridge, do you think I can get on the front page too?

Yours sincerely,

Frustrated Brotha

Blame IT On the Jersey

Chipolopolo have been sliding down the ladder of the FIFA rankings as 14 August 2014 Zambia was ranked 84th in the world. Soon we might find ourselves outside the top 100. Yes my beloved Chipolopolo is turning into a minnow of African football. It was just two years ago when we were African champions and today we are a shadow of our glory days. Our quest to reclaim the African title began last weekend against Mozambique and with the latest 2-1 defeat to Cape Verde, we might as well be writing our eulogy. Wait how do we lose to Cape Verde? It's Cape Verde no offence, if I have any Cape Verdian readers. There must be an explanation to our terrible performance and I may have an answer. It is the jersey.

Great Jersey- We became Champions

There are other bloggers and writers who will offer you an explanation for the unfathomable downslide but none of the theories will be able to be as concise as mine. Some will tell you that it is the coach's poor tactics, the players that did not show up on the day, incompetent administration, hostile opponents and even juju if you wish. Still all these explanations are unable to give us any tangible linkage to the teams dismal performances, that are becoming ever increasingly shameful.

 

Ok Jersey- Qualified for AFCON 2013

The correlation of Chipolopolo's embarrassing defeats and lackluster shows can be linked to the jersey. Ever since the jersey went from 'Great' to 'What the Hell is That?' the performances have also changed from 'Champions' to 'Bottom of the Qualifying Group' as at today. Moment of silence please. It must be something do with the Chipolopolo jersey trust me.

The Chipolopolo jersey has been changed twice from the winning jersey and with each change it has become uglier. It is like Nike are giving an intern some wax crayons to design the Chipolopolo jersey. I am not fashion savy but I know ugly when I see it a mile away. The Africa Cup winning jersey could be worn with pride and the current one, oh my goodness. The current jersey even if the Football Association of Zambia gave it to me for free, I would turn it into my pajama. There is no way I would be walking the streets with that terrible jersey. I think the Chipolopolo boys feel the same. They might just not have the courage to speak out that the jersey is affecting their play

 

What the Hell? Jersey- Might not qualify for AFCON 2015

The solution is simple, give the boys a better looking jersey and the wins will begin to flow. For now we should just beg Nike not to give the wax crayon to a pre-schooler lest the results we shall see will take some of us to an early grave.

PS: In case you are feeling nostalgic about our glory days make sure you look out for the movie 'e18hteam'. https://www.facebook.com/e18hteam/timeline

Let Kaunda Rest, Thank You

Dr. Kenneth Kaunda Zambia’s first republican president, the father of the nation, the agogo, has been turned into a tourist attraction in recent years. The man turned 90 years old this year but if you look at his recent media schedule one would be mistaken to think he was 50. The man has lived almost his entire life in the spotlight and I think it is about time that he was allowed to live his life in peace. It is annoying that almost everyone who comes to Zambia, wants to pay a courtesy call on him, take pictures and make some overused rhetoric as justification. Well I think it is about time to let the first president be.

 

Dr. Kenneth  Kaunda- Zambia's first president

Since retirement from politics Kaunda has been constantly paraded around in a number of commercial adverts, opening ceremonies for events and buildings, he is the chancellor of Cavendish University Zambia, patron of Habitat for Humanity Zambia, and shakes hands with courtesy callers. Awe this is too much for the old man. If other people do not seem bothered by this, well I am. This week the Confederation of African Football (CAF) inspectors paid a courtesy call on the first president. Shouldn’t they be inspecting stadiums somewhere or learning how we make a chipombwa?

 

 

Organisations and individuals should not take advantage of him by making him endorse their products and projects. At the age of 90 years old even if the man can still swing a golf club, he no longer possesses the energy he did in his yester years. He has done his part for this country and continent, he has done his job. The individuals, who still feel the urge to meet him so they pay their respects, should find other means of doing so. They should visit the Freedom Statue or donate to his foundation.

 

 

What has been happening to Dr. Kenneth Kaunda is almost reminiscent to what used to happen to the late Nelson Mandela in his last few years. He was been used as an advertising and public relations tool. Someone wins Big Brother let’s go meet Madiba, someone raps a song let’s go meet Madiba, someone becomes president let’s go meet Madiba, someone wins an Oscar let’s go meet Madiba. Ala. Mandela even in his final months was flashed on our TV screens with the current South African president Jacob Zuma smiling. There was only a five-year difference between Kaunda and Mandela, so definitely Kaunda’s media runs must be taking their toll on him. I am not sure how much of say Kaunda actually does have on who visits him for a courtesy call or who uses his image for endorsements. I hope the people around him help him reduce his workload.

 

 

I think to put an end to these unnecessary courtesy calls and making Dr. Kenneth Kaunda a tourist attraction I would advise him to get five buttock-biting Dobermans. Anyone who wants to see him would have to go through them. If they succeed to get past the Dobermans then they are worthy to shake his hands.

We Call This Rubbish Art

                 It is in order to begin this piece with a moment of silence............................................... Thank you. As you drive along Haile Selassie Avenue which is lined with trees on either side creating a serene shaded environment, it is easy to notice some significant buildings. The towering Intercontinental Hotel or the heavily shielded Japan Embassy on the sides. Then somewhere along this same road is the Examination Council of Zambia (ECZ), hidden but it is there. People build beautiful structures, magnificent buildings to get noticed, ECZ went ahead and did the extraordinary. They went ahead and put two of the ugliest, horrendous, pitiful excuse of art sculptures to grace this land. This is the moment we all wail in unison.

Mubita Nawa's Twit

 

            The attention was initially drawn to these things when motivational speaker Mubita Nawa twitted that at 50 years Zambia cannot be having such shameful pieces of structures. Before I saw the picture, I thought that he was just exaggerating and it could definitely not be that bad. I was right to some extent, it wasn't bad it was preposterous. These disproportionate structures had trunk legs, blotted fingers, bend heads, and crooked broad noses. The  male and female are seen to be wearing graduation gowns and holding certificates. These statues resemble miniature versions of what I would make out of clay as a five year old. Are we a country of citizens who accept mediocrity, because now this is getting out of hand. Putting something that is clearly repulsive and expecting people to understand and get on with their lives is unacceptable.

The Statues of Shame

 

            The most perplexing thing is how ECZ allowed those two statues to be erected outside their walls in the first place. ECZ paid money from their budget for them, they should have envisioned what the completed work would look like. If that was it, then I am afraid. Whoever inspected those statues and nodded their heads that what they saw was worthy and acceptable should be questioned. The artist who also created these statues should be embarrassed and needs to introspect on the torture they have done to our eyes. They are amateurish and it would not be a crime if these were a grade 7 school project. Between the artist and the people who inspected the artist work, just how did they convince themselves that such appalling pieces should grace our roads? How? Another wail in unison shall we.

            The general public agrees that the statues should be removed and replaced with something better or nothing at all. Apparently ECZ have come up with a defense which in my opinion is illogical.

            The ECZ spokesperson Ronald Tembo said, "We wish to inform the public that the purpose for putting the statues at the entrance of the ECZ was to enable the general public to easily locate the ECZ as they came through to access various Council services. The statues therefore arose from various complaints we received from those who could not easily locate us in the past. We did not necessarily intend to have beautiful and expensive pieces of art work as we could and still cannot afford the cost of such art works."

            Speechless.

 

He added, “We therefore wish to inform the public that the purpose for putting the statues at the entrance of the ECZ was to enable the general public to easily locate the ECZ as they came through to access various Council services.”
“The statues therefore arose from various complaints we received from those who could not easily locate us in the past. We did not necessarily intend to have beautiful and expensive pieces of art work as we could and still cannot afford the cost of such art works.”ECZ Spokesperson Ronald Tembo said the institution has taken time to study the postings on social media by Mr Nawa and has concluded that the debate on the art pieces was over blown.
“We wish to state that the ECZ is a public institution which has an open door policy. From the outset, we therefore acknowledge receipt of the opinions from Mr Nawa and the general public on the issue,” Mr Tembo said in a statement.
He added, “We therefore wish to inform the public that the purpose for putting the statues at the entrance of the ECZ was to enable the general public to easily locate the ECZ as they came through to access various Council services.”
“The statues therefore arose from various complaints we received from those who could not easily locate us in the past. We did not necessarily intend to have beautiful and expensive pieces of art work as we could and still cannot afford the cost of such art work

 

 

 

Introducing the Ministry of Moral Behaviour

Zambia was not like this in 1964, during that time the youth were well behaved and morally upright. The youth of this generation have lost their culture, if they are not having orgies in classrooms, sex tapes are being made, and the latest revelation is that young girls are the ones seducing men. What on earth are we going to do with this generation? I as Frustrated Brotha have come up with a solution to this country's dilemma of a degenerating youth. It is about time we had a Ministry of Moral Behaviour with a full cabinet minister at the helm.

 

 

There is a lot that needs to be done to curb the immorality that is flaunting itself on the streets of our country. It is inconceivable that such abominations are happening in our very own backyards. Clearly recent media reports reveal more diabolical acts than the previous one. The Ministry of Moral Behaviour will be well positioned to address these issues. It will be responsible for creating policies that ensure the utmost behaviour of this country's citizens is upheld. Citizens who are in the habit of tainting the moral fibre of this country beware.

Top on the table of the ministry's agenda should be tabling the issue of a how Europe and America is contaminating Zambia. This issue needs to be discussed in cabinet, because there are clear indications globalisation is to blame for the erosion of our culture. While that is being discussed the ministry will also be busy preparing another policy to ensure that every single television programme is censored before it is shown, text messages are edited before being sent to the receiver and just block a whole lot unnecessary websites. This is because our youth are being intoxicated by what they are seeing in the movies and series then re-enacting them in real life. If censoring will not wield the youth in the right direction then maybe the ministry will need to consider dishing out stiffer punishments for individuals who do not want to stick in line. The punishments should act as a definite deterrent to anyone who is flirting with the idea immorality.

We must not forget that all this immorality that currently exists is UnZambian and it is not our culture. The Ministry of Moral Behaviour will ensure that this nation's morals are upheld and that requires monitoring every little thing every citizen does. The mission will be to completely eradicate immoral behaviour because the ministry will not cast the first stone but the first brick in order to save our culture.

Football Still in Stone Age

I think I need a word with Sepp Blatter. Why on earth would he go staging the World Cup at the very same time as my beloved Wimbledon? Isn't he aware that these are life changing decisions that I have to make between watching a world cup match and tennis a match. It is difficult for the brotha to choose. When it comes down to biting the bullet, however, I find myself pressing the button on the remote for the tennis. This is probably something that none tennis fans may ever fully understand. One of the reasons why I decide to watch tennis is that football somehow deliberately decides to stay in the Stone Age.

Being a fan of any sport is a tough job, there is so much emotional investment that goes in. It is very hard to make the relationship work. These are the original marriage vows, through thick and thin, through victory or loss, our relationship is unbreakable. People do not shed tears and have heart attacks for nothing. To this day I admit that one of the happiest days of my life was when Zambia lifted the Africa Cup of Nations in 2012. There are just not enough adjectives and superlatives to explain the joy that I felt. Then as a tennis fan after witnessing Rafael Nadal win Roger Federer  Wimbledon after  losing twice to the same man two years in role, in what many including I believe was the best tennis match ever played was just sublime. I am a football and tennis fan, but I am definitely a much bigger tennis fan. I mean being a football fan is hard and painful, at its current state I don't think I can invest any more than I am in this relationship. This is merely because football still refuses to incorporate technology.

Football Referee

Almost every other sport has progressed on well with technology football have only flirted with it this year by using goal line technology. Therefore, you have very painful losses as a result of whistle happy referees, unfair penalties awarded (anyone recall the Ivory Coast versus Greece game), cruel red cards, offside goals and the list is countless. The difference between a nation having the pride of reaching a World Cup quarter final hangs in the hands of fallible human being. In tennis when a player loses you know that they lost fair and square not because some umpire made one lousy call. This happens because tennis has the revolutionary technology called Hawk Eye. Therefore, a player has a choice to challenge calls to determine whether the ball was in or out. They are given a maximum of three challenges per set. Every victory or loss was on the player's racket and as a fan it is much easier to accept and less painful. Rugby, cricket, golf, hockey and tennis have review systems so what is so special about football.

Hawk Eye System

People say it will slow the game down. Oh really, how about when a player gets injured, substitutions, when the keeper is on a time wasting mission isn't that slowing down the game already. You do not permit reviews at every incidence, all that should be allowed is each coach is entitled to three reviews per game. So they will know that they need to use those reviews wisely. This is 2014, having a review system is the most fair way to go. There is a lot of money, pride, careers and our very fragile hearts at stake here. Therefore, it is time that football joins the programme and introduces the review system into the game.

While the football world is mulling over the shock departures of Spain and Italy, we in tennis are speechless over the exits of Serena and Nadal. When the football world speaks of the penalties, us in tennis are biting our nails over the tie-breaks. And of course, we hold our breathes for the women's and men's finals this weekend, as the gladiators battle it out on the grass of Wimbledon. The Hawk Eye system has not made the game any less interesting in fact it adds a new dimension to the thrill. It is time we drag the football world out of the Stone Age. Until football joins the party I will be having some strawberry and cream (tennis fans know what I mean) as I behold the gladiators who take centre stage on the grass of Wimbledon.

Husband Snatchers Beware

It seems that people are getting to grips with their mobile phones and making videos to send via Whatsapp. Recently a video has popped up of a woman stripping another woman who she accused of having an affair with her husband. Apparently, this video shows the woman being stripped in the presence of men who decided to take advantage of the situation too. This inhumane mob justice has been noticed by the police and they are after the culprit. However, even after dangling a K5, 000 reward for any information no one has come up with the details. It is either the people of Luanshya are wealthy or they take the mafia code of Omerta (Code of Silence) too seriously, because had it been me that money would have been in my account already.

 

I must confess from the onset that I have not seen this video and I am not anxious to even see it. Therefore, the knowledge I have is what I have read, heard from people who have seen it and also from what I heard on radio when it was played. From the audio that I heard of the incidence, the wife who was stripping the woman was ironically threatening to take the lady to the police. The poor woman could be heard crying in the background while various men hollered at her. The men are also seen pulling out their phones and attempting to get pictures of the whole fiasco. Yes, this woman may have been sleeping with her husband but did she deserve to be treated in such a manner?

This woman in attempting to deal with the "Husband Snatcher" indirectly made an excuse for her husband. She just indicated that he was not the problem but the woman she was stripping. Therefore, instead of dragging him by his feet into the street and shaming him for his philandering ways, she decided to deal with the symptom and not the root cause of the problem. According to what I have heard the husband is nowhere to be seen in the video and goes unmentioned as the humiliated lady is begging for mercy. Does the wife really think that she will be stripping every woman her husband might go out with as a way of deterring them, then she might be stripping a whole lot more women.

 

It is humiliating enough to be stripped naked but then how does one describe the feeling when the video of the incident is floating around social media. In as much as we may be sympathising with the lady, isn't society perpetrating this abuse by casually distributing the video from one phone to another. On the other hand, it can be argued that it is only through the sharing of the video that brought attention to victimisation of the woman. It is through the same Whatsapp that she may have some form of justice even if it may thrust her into the spotlight. We definitely tread a delicate line with social media with all the good it can do, it is also capable of unleashing its venomous evil.

 

In this case, there may be some people who will applaud the woman for her actions believing that the stripped woman got what she deserved if not less. Then there are others like myself who feel that such inhumane degradation should never be applauded in any form or fashion. The person she should be sorting out her marital issues with is the husband. The wife needs to be answerable for her actions. Luanshya is a small town, it is no New York. Surely someone knows her, they just have to be brave enough to break the Omerta.